What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 01:13
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
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And i lived it daily.
This is soul school!.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I will be 64.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Why does my private parts itch so much during certain periods?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I never cut or harmed myself..
What are the popular niches to talk about as a content creator on the social media platform?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Have you ever been instructed/forced to crossdress for the benefit of others?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
My family never makes their pension either.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
What are some of the most annoying movie clichés?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Is it okay or problematic to be both Black and gay in society in the 21st century?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My life is so biszare .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Put me off passion for life!!
Why do you allow your cat to lie in bed with you?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She was in good health!
I don,t even have a pension.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I could never make a relationship work though!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Im still living with it.
As i do to all so called friends.?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
So, i spoilt her more .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He resisted the act ,that day.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She married twice! .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But, we were locked up after school.
All the time i was locked up.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I was scared of men, in general
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I have no regrets .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I was seconnd youngest,
Especially a lifetime of it.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But it wasn’t much.
She wouldn,t have been !
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Ive learnt so much.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I was 9 years of age.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I waited trembling.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
It was going to be , some day.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Who then, do I blame.?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I write beautiful poetry .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
We were not on the streets..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I think the readers, may guess!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She loved him until the end.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
One cannot live in the past .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
So whats the point in blame.
I was very sick at this time too.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
(And it was in our own minds.)
When she asked me how she looked .
Was to survive, this bastard.
But ive been too sick for many years..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
What did i know ?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I said to her
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He knew the spot.
Comes on , in middle age.
She found it foreign!.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
We all went to grammer schools
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Would this be the day?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.